I started to reread anaregzig's blog and just the first few months of her posts were incredibly inspiring. There were two new posts from this year. I hope she continues to post, I would love to know what's happened since her disappearance.
I didn't lose any weight before graduation. During senior week I GAINED. I was back up to around the largest I've ever been. The added weight made me feel disgusting. What was supposed to be the happiest time of the year was instead fraught with anxiety and depression. The depression hasn't completely gone away, but a new hope has sprouted in the gloom.
I'm now back at home, at my mother's house. Luckily for me my mom is trying to lose weight and always has low-cal/diet foods, sic. shiritaki noodles, low fat yogurt and LOTS of tea!
I've been hovering around 160 lbs, ugh terrible I know. I think this weekend will be a good opportunity for a liquid fast, with the possibility of expanding it out into an entire week of liquid fasting. I have a new whole foods protein shake, that is pretty tasty and filling.
I also have a new member deal at a power yoga studio. I'm gonna go every day until it expires, which is July 12th. 90 minutes of power yoga at 160 lbs burns around 760 calories. Recommended calorie intake to maintain my weight at a light activity level is 1750 calories. Keeping my calories under 500 a day will give me a net of 2,010 calories which is a little over half a lb of fat a day.
I miss that fear of eating, and the high of feeling empty yet I'm also afraid of it returning again and bringing me back to a dark place. In order to get rid of this weight fast, I have to enter that disordered space, and when it gets overwhelming...well I'll deal with that when I get there.
**Thinward Bound
